Yeah, I'll let you know when I write something that doesn't profoundly embarrass me.


... OKAY, FINE. Suffer, you pricks.

Generic Space Opera (2004)
Word document, 31 pages

Originally written for NaNoWriMo 2004, Generic Space Opera was an attempt at a satirical sci-fi lark in which a space opera setting is invaded by actual alien-aliens. I didn't get very far, as you can probably tell by the page count. It's pretty awful, to be perfectly honest, but I like some of the characters I guess. As with all of my writing, there are many, many parts that make me wonder what the hell I was thinking at the time.

The Dissertation Defense is Camping (2005)
Word document, 24 pages

Written for NaNoWriMo 2005. Didn't get very far, as usual. I do, however, like the concept; a sociology undergrad, for lack of a dissertation topic, joins a futuristic sandbox MMO to study the people playing it. He ends up embroiled in a war against an army of 14-year-old griefers, to the detriment of his actual schoolwork, and things only get worse when the game is hacked for unknown ends. Since this will never be finished, SPOILERS FOR CLOSURE: The Circle is backed by an advertising firm who intends to subvert the game to promote a competing product. Griff is actually a United States congressman. Scyrus is actually played by a girl, who falls in love with Max. Buzzy and Shade look exactly the same in real life as they do ingame. Max's roommate is a member of the Circle, but is a spy for Solidarity. Mr. Killjoy is actually a thirty-year-old public school teacher. At the end, when the Circle is defeated, Max is kicked out of school for failing to complete his coursework. END SPOILERS. This probably would have been better-executed if I'd bothered to do some actual research on sociology.

Minimum Wage (2006)
Word document, 9 pages

Written for my own amusement. A pizza delivery boy by the name of Ray Anson is given one last chance to keep his job, lest he be forced to move back in with his parents. So of course he ends up sucked into a backwards fantasy world and hailed as the 'chosen one' by a race of deedlybob-headed mystics, destined to save them from the warlike cybernetic Ares. Soon after convincing the Eeans to send him back, Ray is again kidnapped by the Ares and discovers that things are not what they initially seem... and then the story ends mid-paragraph, whoop-de-dick. This was supposed to be much longer but I got bored. Story of my life.

Generic Historical Dramatization (2006)
Word document, 22 pages

Written for NaNoWriMo 2006, blah blah blah, who cares. In 1963, Lee Harvey Oswald finds himself contracted by a secret service agent to assassinate John F. Kennedy... before he does it himself. Apparently JFK is clinically depressed, and Vice President Johnson has decided to remove him from the equation. Aided by Bobby Kennedy and the ghost of Oscar Wilde, Oswald must track down the shadowy puppetmasters behind the assassination plot and unravel the conspiracy plotting to frame him. Oh, and Elvis was there, too.

Trust me, this sounds at least five times more awesome than it actually is. I'm really disappointed with this one. The only worthwhile part is the bit where Bobby Kennedy kills an alien with a folding chair.